No Such Thing As Zombies
by Mamoo
Summary: Four zombie fighters are teleported to the land of Equestria, separated and confused, they have to find each other before the dead find them. Gore, perhaps character death in later chapters.
1. Chapter 1

**I know, I should be writing my other one, but I just had the urge to crank this little number out. Anyway, it's based on the Call of Duty: Black Ops version of zombies, not that I'm listing it as a crossover. All the new characters are my own creations, everything else belongs to Hasbro and Activision.**

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><p>Four soldiers stood in the US Marine base, awaiting an audience with the commanding officer. A few UH-1 'Huey' helicopters flew over head, causing many onf the nearby tents to flap around uncertainly. The soldiers constituted a highly experienced squad, there was the squad leader, Captain Rick Marshall, ironically nicknamed Sarge by his squadmates. Then there was the medic, Private Bill Jones, nicknamed Doc.<p>

The third member was an all round soldier, experienced in many kinds of warfare, inlcluding having remarkable piloting skills. These skills had earned him the nickname Flyboy, despite his real name being Private First Class Alex Grand. Finally, there was the squad marksman, Corporal Harry McInsley, better known as Deadshot due to his impressive skills at scoring headshots.

Sarge wore standard uniform, with a tin hat which held his favourite pack of smokes in it, Doc had sligtly heavier gear, to account for his need to carry more ammunition and medical supplies. Flyboy wore pratically nothing, only his green camo trousers, a dirty olive short sleeved shirt, and a black headband. Deadshot wore much the same as Flyboy, except he wore a cap instead of the band. And had long sleeves on his shirt instead of short.

These four men had spent many years working together, mainly on search and destroy missions in the jungles of Vietnam. Tasked to hunt out North Vietnamese Army regulars and Vietcong rebels, they would spend days, sometimes weeks out in the jungle, deep behind enemy lines. Due to their success in the field, they had earned the right to carry very specific equipment with them.

Sarge always carried his trusty M16 assault rifle, complete with extended magazines and a long range sight. Doc always wielded an M60 light machine gun, which usually meant he was the one giving fire support. Flyboy wasn't one for staying far from the fight, which was why he carried a short range 870 combat shotgun with him. Finally, Deadshot insisted that he carry an SVD Dragunov rifle into battle. This being an enemy rifle, he sometimes got quite a lot of stick around the camps, being referred to as a 'Commie lover' and other such titles. Although he claimed it was because of the robustness and ease of use of the gun, which was a fair point.

"Atten-shun!" Sarge called suddenly, all the men stood rigid, right arms raised in salute as a burly man in General's attire walked up to them.

"At ease lads, we're sending you on a top secret mission. I know where you're going, your pilot knows where you're going, and you'll know soon enough." The General paused for a moment before continuing, "I can't talk specifics with you, but I can say that you won't be fighting the usual commie bastards that's for sure. Where you're going everyone's a target, and you'll do damn well to make sure they're dead." He finished, three quarters of the squad looked confused, Sarge didn't sjow much emotion, which was typical of him. "Dismissed lads."

With that the General walked away, his place taken instead by a young pilot who directed them to a landed chopper about a hundred yards away. As they boarded and closed the doors, they felt the slight downwards pull on their insides while the vehicles took off. Each of them exchanged glances before Doc was the first to pipe up.

"Where do you think they're taking us?" He asked the others curiously, as if they had any idea.

"How am I supposed to know Doc?" Flyboy replied, never one to get caught up in speculation.

"I reckon we're going to Russia, bet they want us to collect some Soviet skullcaps!" Deadshot chipped in excitedly, he had always wanted to put one between a Soviet's eyes.

"Simmer down, Dead, we'll know when we get there." Sarge said level-headedly, staring out the window. In truth, he wanted to know more than the rest of them where they were going.

It was a few hours before they landed, they still weren't sure where they were, but it looked to be a Soviet rocket facility. As they landed, the four men hopped out of the chopper, which immediately took off again and back to where it came from.

The place looked abandoned, rubble was strewn about the place and no one was to be seen.

"Alright, we'll split up, cover the entire facility. Remeber guys, everyone's a target." Sarge ordered, the rest nodding and running off in all different directions. From where they had been dropped off, which was was a platform with a circle in the middle, and a console next to it, with a large Russian 'A' symbol on the wall. Sarge went off to the offices, heading upstairs to a greenhouse style room, there were various consoles on the right side. On the left, was a wide wooden box with two luminescent question marks on them.

Doc went downstairs, to a large circular room with a spinning contraption in the middle, he scanned the entire room, but saw no one. Heading upstairs a different way, he heard a januty song emanating from a room nearby.

Flyboy went to the outskirts of the facility, into what seemed to be a junkyard. The place was covered in dead landers, an eerie noise came from the gate on the left. As he approached it, he saw a teddy bear holding a sickle, he rached out to touch it. As soon as his fingers made contact with the bear, there was a slight click and the noise was gone. He put the thought out of his mind and went back to searching the base.

Deadshot headed straight for the rocket scaffolding, knowing he could get a good height advantage from there. He walked up the stairs, and up to another circular object with a console next to it. There was a blackboard nearby with the chalk outline of a sickle on it. As he touched the board, a real sickle suddenly materialised in front of his very eyes. Deadshot was getting creeped out now, he left the sickle hanging on the board and backed into a wall. As he jolted the metal framework, a teddy bear fell off and into his arms, making a small click sound as it fell.

Sarge opened up the box, it was empty at first, but as it creaked open, a golden light burst out of it and a Russian doll popped out, landing in the Captain's arms. It was much heavier than they usually were, and it had a small crank underneath. Sarge turned the crank and the doll sprung to life, launching a smaller doll a few feet away. The smaller doll exploded with a loud bang, sending clusters of small bombs in all directions. Sarge noted the usefulness of this contraption, and pocketed it, walking back down the stairs in the hopes of meeting another of his squad. As he descneded down the second flight of stairs, he ran into Doc, who was staring at a large red vending machine.

"Thirsty?" Sarge smirked, toying with the spaced out squaddie.

"Nope, just wondering what in the hell a vending machine is doing in Soviet Russia." Doc replied, not taking his eyes off the machine.

"Well we haven't got time to stop and smell the roses, did you find any bad guys?"

"None at all."

"Me neither, this is wierd man. We gotta find Dead and Fly." Doc nodded in agreement before the two made their way back upstairs and out the door. As the headed towards the rocket, they saw Deadshot descending a flight of stairs.

"Find anything?" Sarge asked, startling the sniper.

"Jeez, Sarge, you gotta stop sneaking up on me like that. And no, I didn't find shit."

"Neither did we, this is pretty odd if you ask me." Doc chimed in. As they chatted Flyboy sprinted towards the group, chased by a number of what seemed to be walking corpses.

"Guys, we got company." He panted, bent double. The rest of the squad turned around to see a crowd of zombies advancing on them. They came from all directions and in vast numbers.

"Everyone's a target?" Doc asked sarcastically, receiving only a nod from Sarge in return. Doc pulled the bolt back on his M60 and squeezed the trigger. The powerful machinegun tore through rotting flesh and bone, dropping zombie after zombie. Sarge opened up too, putting down zombies in clusters as they got close.

Flyboy separated various limbs from the corpses with his shotgun, occasionally clearing out entire groups of the zombies. Deadshot lined up four or five heads and put a bullet through them all, since the rotting flesh put up little resistance, the bullet could rip through a whole load of them before it lodged in the skull of one. They kept firing until the zombies began to get pushed back. To their horror, the zombies advanced again while they reloaded, they didn;t have enough ammunition to keep this up for long.

As though on queue, one of the zombies dropped a glowing box of ammunition as he fell to the ground. The box floated in mid air, with a green aura around it, Sarge didn't care that it was so wierd, he only cared about his lack of ammo. He ran forward and grabbed the box, as he touched it though, it disappeared, instead manifesting itself by filling up the men's magazines. Sarge hadn't noticed that in his mad rush, he had let the zombies advance further than usual. They were on the brink of getting overwhelmed.

Luckily, Flyboy pulled out a large disc and flicked a switch, tossing it on the ground. The disc opened up revealing a brilliant purple glow, the zombies fell into it one by one. The gravitational pull worked on the squad too, pulling them into the black hole. Despite the fact that it ripped the zombies limb from limb, the squad found themselves being lifted up almost magically, after a few seconds in a swirling purple haze, they all blacked out.


	2. Chapter 2

Sarge slowly came to and sat himself up. His head was still spinning, was that last mission a dream? It was pretty weird whatever it was. With that thought, he looked to his surroundings. He was in a dark forest, rather than a jungle. He picked up his rifle and stood up, the movement making him a little light headed.

As he walked through the woods, he heard a scream from above him. He looked up, it was definitely a girl's scream, but it seemed very boyish. Before he could ponder the thought, a rainbow and turquoise blob fell from the sky and landed right on his head, knocking him to the ground. As he lifted his head up, he saw a turquoise pony with rainbow mane lying in his lap. 'Fuck I must be high as hell' he thought to himself, staring at the strange creature before him. He sat up, careful not to disturb the pony, who looked to be out cold.

Looking around, Sarge spotted a cave nearby, he lifted the pony up and carried it inside. He didn't know anything about the forest, but he knew it looked pretty dangerous. He set the pony down and made a plan of action. He would light a fire, because it wasn't too warm in the cave and light was lacking, then he would wait for the pony to wake up before finding the rest of the squad.

It didn't take long to find enough firewood for a decent sized fire, all the trees were dead around here and it was dry for the most part. He made a small pyramid with small twigs and struck a match, first lighting the pyramid, then retrieving a cigarette from his helmet and lighting that. Before the cigarette was half smoked, the fire was burning nicely, bathing the cave in a warm glow and keeping both Sarge and the knocked out pony toasty warm. Sarge tossed the finished butt into the flames, kicking up a few embers as he did so. He pulled the edge of his helmet down over his eyes and tried to catch some much needed shut eye.

It wasn't working very well, though. The more he tried to relax, the more tense he became. Thoughts of the rest of his squad began to run through his mind. After an hour or so, he gave up, once again raising the hat and pulling the pack of smokes from it. He placed a cigarette into his mouth and lit it, the sound of the striking match jolted the pony awake. It raised it's head slowly, gasping from the pain. Sarge simply stared at the pony, not really sure what to say.

"Ugh, my head..." Rainbowdash exclaimed, clutching the left side of her forehead. Sarge was more than surprised by this, but still didn't show any movement from his spot. It took Rainbowdash a few seconds to note that she was in a cave accompanied by a roaring camp fire. She looked around a little before spotting the dark figure, half bathed in shadow, his eyes couldn't be seen from under his helmet. "What is that?" She questioned herself, staring at the figure.

"'That' has a name." Sarge replied bluntly, causing Rainbowdash to jump to her feet and take a step back.

"You can talk?" She asked, bewildered.

"I'm as surprised as you, trust me." Sarge assured her, taking a long puff of his cigarette, then taking it out of his mouth and blowing a cloud of smoke into the ground. Rainbowdash slowly, cautiously, made her way towards the man.

"What are you?" Rainbowdash half asked, half demanded, all the while moving ever closer to Sarge.

"I'm a person." He responded clinically.

"Do you, uhh, have a name?" Rainbowdash was obviously nervous, however much she tried to hide it.

"Captain Rick Marshall, at your service." He replied, warranting a raised eyebrow from the pony. "Call me Sarge, everyone does." As confused as Rainbowdash was, she couldn't help but think of this strange man as exceedingly cool.

"I'm Rainbowdash." She replied, extending a hoof in greeting. Sarge leaned forward and took it, giving it a single shake. Rainbowdash suddenly felt a lot more comfortable around the man, and propped herself up against the wall next to him. "Did you do this?" She asked, pointing at the fire.

"Sure did, after you landed slap bang on top of me you were out cold, so I brought you here." Sarge didn't look away from the fire as he spoke. Rainbowdash suddenly noted the presence of a cigarette in his mouth, something which all the cool ponies talked about in Cloudsdale was smoking.

Sarge noticed the pony staring at his smoke, so he pulled a second out of the packet and silently offered it up.

"I've never smoked before." Rainbowdash said, slightly ashamedly, causing Sarge to retract the offer slowly. Before he could, she quickly took the cigarette, not wanting to seem scared of it. He stuck a match and lit the smoke, Rainbowdash took a quick inhale from the cigarette, coughing as she did. Sarge chuckled, there was a stark beauty about watching someone take their first puff of a smoke. Rainbowdash was determined to finish the thing, she took a few more puffs, spluttering with each one.

"Take your time." Sarge chuckled, slightly irritating Rainbowdash. He took one last, long puff of his before flicking it into the fire. He held the smoke in his mouth for a couple of seconds before slowly exhaling, prolonging the smoke trail for as long as he could. Rainbowdash simply watched him, he'd obviously been at it for a good few years.

They just sat there, in silence for the next few minutes, the only noises being the crackling of the fire and the occasional puff, followed by a dry cough. Sarge once again pulled down the helmet over his eyes, finding it a little easier to sleep knowing that the pony wouldn't try to murder him in his sleep. Or something along those lines.

Rainbowdash checked to see if he was asleep before wincing and throwing the cigarette into the fire. Smoking was not for her, she decided. She knew she wasn't going anywhere fast with her head hurting like it was, so she decided to hunker down with the stranger and get some shut eye too. She curled up next to him and closed her eyes, letting the soothing noise and warmth of the fire drift her off to sleep.

As Rainbowdash awoke, she saw that the fire had long since burned out, morning dew had begun to form in the cave and the crisp air notified her that she'd slept clean through the night. She looked up and her sleeping companion, the soldier was still snoozing, helmet pulled over his eyes and arms crossed. She took the moment to note his features, he was pretty dirty, his clothes were ripped in many places and he had a blood soaked bandage tied around his right arm.

Sarge slowly came to also, it had been too damn long since he'd gotten a full night's sleep, and the effects were starting to wear on him. He stood up groggily, walking to the mouth of the cave.

"Going somewhere?" A voice called out from behind him, he wheeled around to see the blue pony he'd rescued last night standing before him.

"I need to find my men." He stated, picking up his assault rifle and turning back to the mouth of the cave.

"Ooh, can I help you?" Rainbowdash asked excitedly, she wasn't one to get flustered easily, but this new guy struck her as someone she wanted to associate herself with, much like he Wonderbolts did.

"I dunno, you still don't look too good."

"I'm fine, it's just a bump, that's all." They both knew it wasn't 'just a bump', but Rainbowdash wasn't going to let that on anytime soon.

"Whatever, but I want Doc to check you out when we find him." Sarge relented, gesturing her out of the cave. As he walked along, tailed by the hovering pegasus, his mind wandered to what had happened before. Perhaps that device brought some of those zombies here? He sure hoped not.


End file.
